One benefit of losing 20 pounds is the increased choices in shirts to wear. My rotation has grown, as I shrink back into a wardrobe long banished to dark corners of my closet. I was pretty thin on fat clothes. See what I did there?
As I go along through life, I learn and forget what I learned, only to learn it again. Big changes rarely begin with big changes, but I keep forgetting. Change is hard, habits are difficult to break, but becoming overwhelmed and eating a family sized bag of BBQ flavored peanuts at 2 am? Piece of cake. Doing what I've always done is the most natural thing I can do.
My biggest challenge in recovery is dealing with emotions. I am still shitty at it. I don't want to have them, and would rather smoke them, drink them, or eat them away. Thus the diminishing number of shirts that fit. Every one of those behaviors only ensures they stay inside, never being fully dealt with. The emotions never get released and eventually bubble up again.
Initially, I just wanted to cut out the late night snacks, mostly because I was feeling crappy in the morning. I did a little research on some strategies to help me with it. I would've reinvented the wheel before, you know, being so unique and all. I read and learned, made some adjustments and educated myself on food. Long story short, I made some changes, and I lost some weight, reclaiming a few shirts along the way. I'm still overweight, but I'm not worried because I've made progress toward becoming healthier. As I mentioned in my last Journal Post - Time for Everything, progress is enough for today.
I re-learned that a minor change goes a long way.
Deciding to make an effort to deal with one bad eating habit, allowed me learn more about food. Not snacking caused me to lose a little weight. That got me thinking about think about my dependence on cigarettes. I haven't bought a package of cigarettes in over a month. I'm still vaping, but it's cheaper, cleaner, smells better, and I waste less time. No longer eating and smoking my emotions forced me to find a better way to explore and release them by rediscovering my love of writing fiction. My desire to be better technically and write more led me to complete some online workshops and classes. Taking part in these craft building programs opened the door to the writing community, and to connecting with writers from all over the world. This has helped me finally find a direction and focus on my non-fiction work project that was stuck in the mud. That motivated me to redesign and improve my website to accommodate the new directions my writing will take. I committed to writing a serial online novel on Wattpad.com to train and discipline myself to meet deadlines and hone my plotting and structure skills, while working out my imagination muscles. This has required me to address and better organize my social media and interact with readers and other writers. Just putting some effort toward my account has doubled my followers just this week. More followers have meant more interactions and discussion about writing, helping me improve through feedback. On and on it goes.
With all this going on - you want to know what I'm not doing?
Laying in bed, eating BBQ peanuts and feeling shitty about myself because both my golf shirts that don't make me feel like a sausage are dirty and need washing again.
Geez, who knew that cutting out late-night peanuts could do so much?
Links Follow my 16 week serial Wattpad Novel Catch a Falling Man - Chapters 1-4 Now Available. Chapters 5-6 coming December 8. Create a Free Wattpad account and follow me there and vote.