Worthy - TALKING MYSELF INTO RECOVERY #3
TMIr Posts - My 12 Part Self-Talk Series - TALKING MYSELF INTO RECOVERY. These posts are short affirmations drawn from my personal journals. Where applicable, links to journal entries or original posts from my time in recovery are provided at the bottom of the page.
How could I be worthy?
It's a question we face in recovery. For me, I couldn't accept my worth until I forgave myself for things I did when I was in my addiction. That took time, and part of getting there was practicing positive self-talk around it.
I spoke to that child inside, and I listen to him. I learned we silence wounded parts of ourselves, their voices drowned out by the parts of us that think they need to protect us. There were a lot of reasons I felt unworthy.
Over time, hearing these positive affirmations has brought me to a place that I can accept my mistakes. I can love myself without guilt, knowing I am worthy of my emotions.
Early in recovery, I wrote this piece in my journal blog Worthy. There were 3 important moments of learning and acceptance at the time.
I'm working hard to find my authentic self and offer compassion to, and have empathy for, myself, a struggling person who acted in obvious conflict with their true beliefs. I have had to separate the abhorrent behaviors from the person. It has forced me to look at my past from a fresh perspective and consider the possibility that my past doesn't have to define me or my future. I can't diminish the impact of that behavior on others, which I regret, but I understand it more completely, have learned from it, and have accepted it as part of who I am today.
As humans, we make mistakes; we act poorly and we hurt each other. Sometimes we mean to hurt people, sometimes we don't, but this ability to hurt another, especially emotionally, is uniquely human. I'm finding more peace in the simple acceptance of this.
When I accept all this human imperfection, in myself and others, old resentments fall away, making room for forgiveness and love. Some hurts linger and may always lurk in the background, but their negative impact on my self worth is less. I don't get hurt as easily; I forgive quicker and worry more about how I treat others than I do about how I am treated. I don't need the praise of others to believe that I am worthy of love. I can be imperfect and still belong.
I continue to practice positive self-talk as I strive to be a better human being, kinder to myself, and more effective in giving and accepting love.
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Disclaimer - I base my articles on my own personal experience as a recovering alcoholic and addict. I share about what has helped me, what I have learned about myself, and are to provide insight into my recovery. I encourage anyone struggling with mental health and addiction challenges to consider talking to a professional clinician. You are worth it.